Kevin Pietersen is back. Back infiltrating our newspapers like a British couple sensible enough to go sailing in the Gulf of Aden. Whether he makes it to the field in his homeland, representing the country he remembers by checking the tattoos on his arm, is an altogether different question.
At least The Times had Alyson Rudd with her finger on the pulse of this new story. I think we can all sleep soundly at night with the knowledge that she believes the England batsman has hands like a girl. I suppose you can read the Times online for free these days, and you do only get what you pay for.
I think it's important to set the record straight on KP, PK, FIGJAM, or whatever new nickname Shane Warne has thought up for Kevin in his break from having his face stitched up so he looks like the Joker from Batman. I honestly believe he is the most entertaining and exhilarating batsman of his generation. A bit like a poor man's Brian Lara.
However, the merest scent of an interviewer's microphone and it seems as if Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant have written a sitcom about a world class cricketer who has the combined personality traits of David Brent and Gareth Keenan.
Nine hundred and eleven words were printed in The Times on the basis of Alyson Rudd's interview with Kevin. The most revealing aspect was that Pietersen once wore an uncomfortable pair of trainers when running in the Caribbean.
It would be easy to blame Rudd as an inept interviewer, unable to gleam anything of even the slightest note. Or even her editors, who upon reading Rudd's work should surely have made a greater commitment to saving the planet by cutting a page.
I, on the other hand, find it much easier to blame Kevin. I think it started when he stumbled over the stage when going to receive the Man of the Match Award for the 5th Test in the 2005 Ashes. We always want to see our sportsmen graceful in defeat, and more importantly in this case, in victory. Yet this performance can only be described in the same breath as Phil Tufnell's on Strictly Come Dancing each tormenting Saturday.
So Kevin is back. Personally I can't wait to find where his ghosted Sunday paper column will pop up.
